1. Claudio Monteverdi married Claudia Cattaneo in a marriage arranged by her father Giacomo Cattaneo in 1599. Claudia was a professional court singer and Claudio was a composer and a viol player. Together they had one son, then a daughter that died in her infancy and then a 2nd son. Eight years into their marriage, Claudia fell ill and passed away. A 40 year old Claudio was broken by this. He was depressed and prone to illness. But his composing didn’t really slow down until he was in his 60’s. In 1607, the year of Claudia’s death, Monteverdi published “Scherzi Musical” ("Musical Jokes") to focus on the happier times in the past, including one memory of a beautiful bridesmaid.

2. Johann Sebastian Bach lost 2 siblings in his childhood. His mother passed away when he was 9. He had 20 children, only 10 of which survived their adulthood years. He lost his first wife. As a Lutheran, his take on death was that faith prepared you for salvation. Music was essential to his religious life and often reflected his comforting attitude towards death.

3. Robert Schumann composed “Nachtstucke” ("Night Pieces"), in 1839. This the year of his brother, Eduard’s, death. He was in Vienna when he received a letter from his sister in law about the terminal illness. He left Vienna one day before before Edward’s passing and just missed the funeral. These four compositions juxtaposed funeral march rhythms with upbeat elements.

4. Dmitri Shostakovich was working on his 2nd piano trio in 1943 when he found out about his friends passing. Ivan Sollertinsky was a close friend who was influential in bringing the music of Mahler to the Soviet Union. He died unexpectedly in his sleep. This loss devastated Shostakovich and made it's way into his music. Sollerinsky’s sister maintains that the 2nd movement of the piece is a “portrait of her brother” which is followed by a dirge (a slow funeral march).

1. Music provides a safe space to experience the emotions of loss. Because songs have a beginning, middle and an end, they provide a contained and space for these intense emotions. “Sometimes knowing you have 3 minutes till the song ends is a comfort”.

2. Music affects our minds and bodies in ways we can’t deny, allowing for the expression of some intense emotions. Singing (alone or with others), playing an instrument, even air guitar and desk drumming can help us release emotional stress. If you enjoy writing, maybe write a song or verse about the someone you’ve lost. Make it funny or make it serious. Even if you never perform it for anyone, you know and maybe they do too. Using music to make you get up and move (dancing, walking, working out) can connect your heart and mind an release endorphins in your system.

3. Stress and anxiety can accompany grief and music can be helpful in winding you down and slowing your pulse. The author recommends staring with music that “validates” your emotions. If your heart is beating fast, start with something up beat and then ramp it down with more mellow tracks until you feel more relaxed and mindful and less distracted.

4. Music can help us remember who we are. Losing a loved one can shift how we identify ourselves. Maybe we were once a partner, a parent, a child or a friend to someone who is no longer with us. We played a role in someone’s life and we no longer fill that role. By listening to types of music we identify with, we can get back to our own roots and remember who we are.

5. Music can help us connect with others. The healing process can be more drawn out in isolation. Attending concerts, singing karaoke or playing with your fellow musicians is a tried and true means of connection.

6. We can use music to honor our loved ones. Remembering special times with our loved ones is an important part of healing. Listening to music that reminds you of them or special songs you had in common can help keep their memory alive and also focus on the happier moments in the relationship.